If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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