i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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