How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
