Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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