girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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