I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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