Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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