Me too!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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