You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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