I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize