So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
