You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
