Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
