To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
