She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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