My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How naked do you want me to be?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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