I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
