Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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