Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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