There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
