Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
