dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
