Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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