She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize