Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
