i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
