You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
