Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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