He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
