i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
