I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
