Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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