bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
