it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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