So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
