Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Whoa Z and x make the same sound

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(419): View more from Ohio

i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike

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(908): View more from New Jersey

just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.

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(941): View more from Florida

My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

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(305): View more from Florida

If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?

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(573): View more from Missouri

Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby

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(714): View more from California

I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging

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(513): View more from Ohio

She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..

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