Your dad touched me again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize