don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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