very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
