I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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