part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
