Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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