this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
