THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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