alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
