I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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