The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
