never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
