The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
