god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
