Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
