I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize