i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
