eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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