Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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