Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
