Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
