Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
