All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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