i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
