hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
