Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize