i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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