girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
