i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am one with the molecules
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
