This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
