Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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