I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
