i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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