it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize