I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
