He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
