so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
