you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
