So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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