I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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