There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
