I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
