It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
