He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
