I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
