it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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