I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
