that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
