wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
