I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
