ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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