how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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