Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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