Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
