you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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