If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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